Great Ideas for Getting Rich

Idea #1: NiceTube

A nice porn site.


Idea #2: A service that helps you cheat the Bechdel test

Are you sick of being berated by those smug feminists? Would you like to include a weird vignette in your film's credits just to shove it in their faces that, yes, actually, your film about intergalactic sex pirates does include two women having a conversation about something other than a man? Then look no further: Pinelife is the premier provider of short scripts featuring two women talking about everything except men. These non sequiturs are sure to puzzle and delight any audience - and best of all they mean that no one can ever accuse you of not respecting women (until, of course, you are embroiled in a bitter divorce with your aging wife and she reveals how you've been scamming on her little sister for, like, literally years and then the backlash against you will be even uglier because people will be like, I thought you were an ally - you always created meaty, meaningful roles for women. But, still, pre-divorce and pre-backlash you'll have years to bask in the public's adoration).

Please See a Sample Below


INT. MUM'S HOUSE - MIDDAY - AUSTRALIA

CHYRON: CHRISTMAS DAY, 2018

A dining table heaves with a lavish lunch: dishes of meat steam, butter melts into mashed potato, peas glisten, bubbles ascend in glasses of champagne as MUM and ANGELICA glower at one other across the table. DAD has tuned his hearing aid to the cricket (do they play cricket on Christmas day? Does anyone care about this detail?) and is buttering a dinner roll in blissful ignorance.

MUM

You're a whore and a liar and an idiot and a cheat.


ANGELICA does not react.


MUM

Pass the turkey.


ANGELICA does not react.


MUM

Will you please pass the turkey?


ANGELICA does not react.


MUM

You're a whore and a liar and an idiot and a cheat. And you look fat and -


ANGELICA does not react.


MUM

- I swear to God, if you don't pass the fucking turkey -


ANGELICA

Mum, we have chicken and pork and beef and duck and venison. You know we don't have any turkey.


MUM

And whose fault is that?


ANGELICA

Right.


Peas fly as ANGELICA launches herself across the lunch table and begins to throttle MUM, bashing MUM's head on the tiled floor as if she were a baby. DAD has fallen asleep in his roast lunch. ANGELICA only lets go once it becomes clear that MUM is going to take a while to die via strangulation.


ANGELICA

If you ever talk to me about turkeys again I'll fucking kill you.


MUM lies on the floor, massaging her throat. Angelica walks outside.


EXT. BACK PORCH OF MUM'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS - AUSTRALIA


ANGELICA surveys the smouldering wreck of the family turkey farm. To the edge of the horizon, all we see is ash and bone and the crumbling remains of acres of turkey sheds.